Why You Need a Men's Group

It is often quoted that we are the average of the people that we surround ourselves with, and any man on the path of growth and self-development needs a community of mature authentic men around them to support them on their journey and occasionally to hold them accountable for embodying the man they aspire to be.

One of the biggest lies that society tells men is that they must do everything on their own - that being a lone wolf is the pinnacle of success as a man. That asking for help or admitting vulnerability is weakness. This is not only incorrect, but also profoundly harmful for men’s well-being and for their ability to become the best man that they can be. Human beings are inherently social animals, and we require connection and social support for our emotional and psychological well-being. We also need mature authentic men around us to serve as sounding boards, advisors, role-models, teachers, and to hold us accountable as we push our masculine edge and become the best men that we can be.

As society has become more disconnected, isolated, and focused on external materialistic goals, the sacred passage of knowledge, teaching, and guidance that used to occur between men in families and communities has been disrupted. Consequently, many men are navigating life rudderless and without a clear understanding of what it means to be a mature, authentic, and good man in this world. Many men are asking themselves what it means to be a good man, and without access to benevolent and loving masculine leadership, they seek these answers from whoever steps into that void. We do not have to look very hard to see examples of how men have embraced negative and harmful messages about masculinity from media representations, or from male influencers who promote a dominant and oppressive form of masculinity rooted in selfishness, misogyny, violence, and materialism. We have lost many of the social practices and ceremony associated with mentoring young men in their transition to mature masculinity, and increasingly men are coming of age without the presence or guidance of a man, or men, to support their growth and development as men. Sometimes this is because the men in their life are distracted by work, or numbing their own inner turmoil with workaholism, technology (tv/phones/social media/etc.), substance use, or just plain activity. Sometimes the opportunities are less because of divorce and living in different spaces. Sometimes it is because men are just caught in a vicious cycle of not knowing how to provide guidance to the men in their lives because nobody ever did that for them. It is a consequence of intergenerational trauma and replication of the way they were raised.

But there is a solution – you can become the cycle-breaker by pursuing reconnection with the sacred archetypes of mature masculinity, and by seeking out a community of men also committed to supporting each other on the path of growth and restoration of a mature, authentic, benevolent, and loving masculinity, which I call Metta Masculinity.

Seek out other men who are willing to come together to talk about what it mean to be a mature man, to help each other navigate the challenges in their lives and celebrate the successes, to support each other in the pursuit of Metta Masculinity, to hold space for each other in a sacred and safe container, and sometimes to challenge each other to do the hard things on the path to being the metta men we know we can be.

Look for men’s groups or men’s circles in your area. If you can’t find an in-person group, there are some amazing online options out there including and online groups offered by my teachers (Zat, Tim, and Adam) at Men’s Wisdom Work .

If you are in the Lethbridge. Alberta area, consider joining one of the Metta Men’s Circles associated with Metta Man Coaching and join a shame and judgement free community of men, committed to mutual growth and constructive support in the pursuit of metta masculinity.

Wherever you are, you can also join the Metta Brotherhood , Metta Man Coaching’s online community to receive content that  supports you on you path or follow Metta Man Coaching via one of our social media channels

You can become the man you want to be and find your missing peace.

Aho Brothers

Peter